Reprinted from craigslist.
I know a lot of things. I know all the lyrics to Rapper's Delight. I know how to ice skate. I know how to make ribs with a spicy dry rub that you cook for hours and then finish on the grill with a sticky sweet sauce. I know how to make sticky sweet sauce. I know how to make my dog's leg twitch by scratching its belly in that one spot. I know a LOT of things.
I don't know shit about cars.
I mean, I know how to put gas in them. I can change a flat tire. I can drive one like a New York City cabbie with a bladder problem and the fare on the other side of the bridge. But I couldn't tell you how to fix it or what that sound is or what wrench to hand me to turn that thing there. So when it came time to buy a used car, I did what any self-respecting man would do. I gave my 17-year-old son three two-liter bottles of Mountain Dew, some Ding Dongs and a bag of Hot Takis, sent him to his room and told him to go figure it the hell out.
So he did.
He went online and found out that the 2000 Subaru Outback was a great car - as long as it had its head gaskets replaced because they could blow and cost you four grand. I don't have any idea what a head gasket is or why they are so expensive. But I do know this car we're selling now has some fancy new ones. Perhaps they are bedazzled. He found out they can run 300,000 miles if they are taken care of, timing belts replaced, axels true, filters clean and new, a little green tree hung on the rearview mirror. This car had that. And still had only 146K miles on it. He found out that if you buy a used car from a Subaru mechanic who's only discernable hobby seems to be to fix up old Subarus, he's probably thought of all these things. So we went to New Hampshire and bought this very car from that man with bedazzled gaskets and drove it home.
Now, six months later, we're selling it. Why? Because my son drove it around for a few months going to Grateful Dead shows, ate Chick-fil-A 467 times, came home and decided to put off college and move to Hawaii to live off the grid and study sustainable farming.
He always was smarter than me.