Reprinted from craigslist.
Are you looking for old shitty furniture? Then you've come to the right place. Because I have it. And I'm in just the mood to part with it after years of convincing myself it wasn't old or shitty or practical or necessary.
Now to be fair, it isn't all shitty. The chair? Yeah that's shitty. You can have that one for free. It's from Pottery Barn and it's built like a tank and it has great bones and will last another decade in your basement. It just needs a slip cover. Or you need teenagers who don't give a damn just as long as they have somewhere to sit to play Call of Duty and stash their Juul.
The couch? Well, like me, at one time it was magnificent. But also like me, now it has some stains and signs of wear and a bunch of scratches it doesn't know how it got and some crushed up Cheerios and some loose change in its pockets and it has seen better days. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to get a white couch and then raise three children and a black cat around it. That may have something to do with the wear and tear. I'm talking about me, not the couch. If you want the couch, it's $25 and it's 90 inches long and 40 inches deep and came from Shabby Chic in San Francisco. If you want me I am $35. Firm.
The office chairs are legit. They're black bungee office chairs and retail for $150. These are in great shape because they came after the kids were grown and the cat was traded to a little old lady for a set of steak knives. I've just decided never to work again so I don't need to sit at a desk and pretend anymore. These are $25 each. Or the pair for $50. See what I did there?
There's an Adirondack chair for $10. They always come in pairs and this one is lonely. We may or may not have chopped its partner and burned it in the outdoor fire pit during a drunken poker night. I have nothing more to say about the Adirondack chair.
The last piece of artwork in this Sotheby's auction is titled simply "Brown Table". It is wood and has an extension piece if for some reason you actually do want to invite the in-laws over for supper. It is in fine shape and was the centerpiece of hundreds and hundreds of family meals and has some pretty good stories to tell. Except that it's wood, and wood keeps a pretty good secret. $25.